A Public Apology for my Ebay Library

Dear Carla Kelly:
I have a lot of your books, and they're all from eBay. Sorry. I know you don't make any royalties from that, and I'm guessing you didn't make a lot of money off those books in the first place. And now they're all out of print, and no one can get them anymore, and I've had to buy your books off eBay like I'm a cheapskate, which I'm really not when it comes to books. I feel bad paying $1.50 for something I'll read and enjoy again and again. So, let me say: If your books were in print, I'd buy them new.




You'd need some new covers, though, 'cos I got laughed at over this one.

Dear Laura Kinsale:
I've had to buy some of your books from eBay, too. Sorry. The older ones are hard to find. I owe you some royalties. However, I offset this sin by buying Shadowheart and the reissue of For My Lady's Heart and two copies of Flowers from the Storm (one for me, one for a gift.) And I'll buy anything else of yours in print. If your older ones were in print, I'd buy them new.

Dear Judith Ivory:
I've been able to buy some of your stuff new but all your old Judy Cuevas books? Ebay. Sorry. I had to pay quite a bit for some of them, so since I can't pay you royalties, here's a tip: If you have any author copies lying around, sell them on eBay for lots of money. The fact that people will pay lots of money for your books says to me that if they were in print, we'd buy them new.

Dear Mary Balogh:
I can't buy your old books on eBay. They're too expensive because they're so rare. However, if they were in print, I'd buy them new. I did buy The Secret Pearl the week it came out.

Dear Roberta Gellis:
You said in an interview on Word Wenches about the Roselynde Chronicles reissue, cancelled by Harlequin two books in: "I have thought from time to time about getting them done by an epublisher that does POD, but obviously my agent is not in favor of the idea and I haven't worked up the energy to do it on my own." I bought both of them new, and if the rest were in print...

Well. I wonder what's on eBay today?

Is That Me?

I am a sometime American Idol watcher. I watched the Clay Aiken series, and most of the Fantasia one - I really liked Fantasia - and I've pretty much skipped it ever since. Out of curiosity, I started watching again this season.

Is the show disturbing because so many people who have no excuse are willing to be crushed on national television? Or because it's so blatantly manipulated by the producers and editors? No. It's disturbing because for an aspiring writer, it hits way too close to home.




It's hard to laugh at those wannabes when you bear way too much resemblance to them. After all, the ones who suck have no idea they suck. There must be a lot of equivalent writers out there. It's a writer's nightmare: What if I suck and I don't know it? What if everyone knows it but me?

Then you have your obvious parallels: Judges = editors and agents, auditions = query letters, gold ticket = request for a full manuscript, recording contract = publishing contract (but with way, way more money.) And in the end, what do you get? After the hoopla dies down, you get a middling career doing pretty good work - if you're lucky. (Well, you also get lots of money. And hopefully laid.) Even that Guarini guy doesn't have to go out and get a job at Walmart, so it's nothing to sneeze at, but I also don't think it's everything it's cracked up to be.

I just got another request for a full manuscript from an agent, so this kind of thing has been on my mind. So, my gold ticket tells me I don't completely suck, but it's also a long, long way from anything meaningful. The one thing Idol has taught me, perversely, is that fame isn't everything. The best ones are driven, but they're not desperate - their identity doesn't rest on how famous they are, but how good they are.

So, Randy, Simon, and Paula - thanks for the lesson.

Another Bad Book

My luck is terrible lately.



Here's a sample:

He smiled at her. Smiled at her the way he had that night, that weekend, as if she were the most wonderful woman in the world.

Self-conscious, she reached for her napkin and met his fingers as he handed one to her.

Why would eating a hot dog make her think of sex with him?

Well, duh.

I didn't finish it.

I liked the shoes on the cover, though.

Statuesque

So it's award season at the movies, and everyone's all geared up about it, and usually I am, too. But this year I'm really meh about the whole thing. I didn't see too many movies this year that really floated my boat.

If it were up to me, I'd split all the awards between The Departed and Children of Men and forget the rest of it. (And then there'd be a big party with Martin Scorcese and Clive Owen and Leonardo DiCaprio and Julianne Moore and Mark Wahlberg and - holy crap, what a great party that would be!)

I've been a little confused this year. The Departed keeps getting touted as "Martin Scorcese's comeback." Am I the only one who liked Gangs of New York and The Aviator? I guess so? I think I've seen The Aviator four times - it's flat-out terrific. Maybe it's just me.

And another thing - Leonardo DiCaprio. What's everyone's problem with this guy? Reviews for The Departed kept talking about "DiCaprio is surprisingly believable" and "not hindered by his baby face" and backhanded stuff like that. I think Leonardo DiCaprio is great. That's right, I'll even say it for eternity on the internet: I think Leonardo DiCaprio is great. How come no one ever gives him any of their silly awards? He should have been given one long ago, but it seems to be treated as an impossibility, like giving an Oscar to an end table or a tea pot. He deserved one for being so brilliant as Howard Hughes (oops, I'm rambling - I really liked The Aviator.)

Anyway, this year, my only interest in the Oscars will be a) will Clive Owen show up, hopefully in a tuxedo? b) will Daniel Craig show up, hopefully in a tuxedo? c) will George Clooney... OK you get the picture, d) what party will Martin Scorcese be at, and will Martin Sheen be with him? 'Cos I'd way rather hang out with those guys, especially if Leonardo is pouring the drinks.

Tough All Over

Hm. Check out what I read this morning on the Debutante Ball:

I used to not be able to imagine being a freelance person. Not going into an office. Not having someone explain to me what I was supposed to be doing and being around to make sure it got done. Not having someone to resent for not appreciating me enough. I had no idea that working in an office was actually the easy way out when being freelance meant working for a slave-driver who doesn’t believe in sick days, lunches, or missing deadlines. The real person who doesn’t appreciate me enough. In other words, me.

I read this as I gulped my coffee at 6 o'clock this morning. I read it quickly before I put my coat on and went outside to scrape my car for the second day in a row, attacking nearly a half inch of ice left by an ice storm that lasted two days, scraping in subzero temperatures for nearly twenty minutes until my arms hurt. Then I grabbed my leftover lunch from the fridge and drove in icy snow to the commuter-train station, where I stood on the subzero platform as the sun was coming up. Then I stood on the train for 40 minutes. Then I went to work, where I have had to make a firm resolution to take a lunch every day, and have had a very hard time following it. I haven't written in over a week and I won't be home until seven tonight, at which point I get to start dinner.

Funny, apparently I've chosen the "easy way out."

I'm not pissed, really, just sort of amused at the short, selective memories of full-time writers. If having an office job is so great, then why don't you go get one? There are lots for the taking. Come on in the pool, the water's warm! We're having a nonstop party of resenting each other and being told what to do! Bring your fatigue, low morale and daycare bills! What? You'd rather make up stories in your pyjamas? Funny, that.

I don't think I have it bad, either. Not compared to lots and lots of people. And while I'm scraping yet again tomorrow morning, I'll try to remember it.

Excruciating (nology)

There is a new feature on my local news.

I noticed this little graphic on my daily news site today. Yes, that is the word "Popnology" you see. Popnology.

What evil marketer made up this word? I want to know who he or she is so I can send some bona fide hate mail. Stop making up words for the love of God! Don't you know what you're doing to us? Think of the children!

Why can't they just say technology? What is the difference between technology and popnology? Do I even want to know? Is there even an answer? As we stare into the abyss..

I'm all for the glorious mutability of the English language, but words this awful should be against the law. I feel my IQ has gone down a few points since I first read it.

I'm going to go read some Shakespeare now... or something.

In Praise of Bad Romance Novels

I just read a bad romance novel, and it has made me a better writer.

I won't name it here. Let's just leave it at this - Avon, C-list writer, circa 2003. There's no need to name the book - pick any Avon C-list writer and you're practically reading the same book anyway.

Reading bad books is usually excruciating, but occasionally it's insctructive. You can learn a lot about what not to do by getting bored, annoyed, and snickering at all the wrong spots. This one had 'em all:

Stock characters - The untameable rake! The innocent beauty! The scheming villain!

Telling, not showing - "I'm afraid you're repressing all of your passions, and someday they will explode, though you have never shown any signs of unhappiness or discontent." How's that for dialogue?

Unbelievable setups - If you face a woman and aim a gun, it's almost impossible to shoot her on the inner thigh. Sorry, but that's just an excuse to have the hero go up her dress and "clean the wound."

Bad sentences - Here are some of my faves:

"Her eyes fell shut."

"She felt his genitals touching hers." Heeeurgh!

"Her forehead crinkled with frustration over her fatigue."

"She felt as if she were being carried away on a huge wave."

"Before he knew what he was doing, he had taken a well-defined step backward."

I could go on and on.

Prequel and sequel characters - There was a double whammy here - not only reappareances of happily-married characters from the author's previous books (which I haven't read), complete with babies, but a whole bunch of sequel-bait characters as well. Writers - when we readers see a line of dialogue like, "Why, she'll never get married! She's too odd! Who would marry her?" we know exactly what you're doing. And it's boring.

I have a suspicion that Avon makes their writers put a lot of this stuff in. But Avon is not responsible for "his genitals touching hers." That crime was committed by the writer, and the writer alone, and has been inflicted us all...

How Not to Stress Out at New Year's

Unlike most people, I love the new year. I'm a list writer and a goal setter, and I love to take a look at a fresh, unsullied year and make a bunch of plans.

That's because I know the secret of New Year's resolutions - you resolve to get rid of stuff in your life, not add it.

Sit down and think of the clutter in your head - there's tons of it. Make some lists. Start crossing some stuff off, with permission not to beat yourself up. What's wasting your time? Making you feel bad? What have you assigned yourself that feels like a make-work project? (I'm always baffled by "I have to watch the entire series of XX Show" or "I have to read the entire XX series of books." Says who?)

So I rearranged my priorities and, surprisingly, some of it was easy to get rid of. Here's the stuff I don't need in life:

Writing conferences. Given the time and the expense, I don't see myself going to one of these for about five years. I have a local chapter and I can get the CD's. That has to do.

Day job overtime. This isn't just after-hours work, but it also means lunch hour work. Usually I work through my lunch hour and this has got to stop. I'm taking my breaks from now on to read, write, and recharge.

Night courses. I love to learn new stuff but if I take night courses, both my relationship and my health suffer (evenings are my only gym time and I really don't get enough exercise without the gym.) I think I'll take a look at a weekend seminar instead.

Doctor appointments. There are too many of these in life for someone who has exactly nothing wrong with her. Yearly checkup and dentist every six months - everything else can wait.

So, I pared it down to the important stuff:

The guy. He's time-consuming, but he's worth it.

My health. This sounds like a contradiction because of the doctor thing, but I have to commit to be active. I've been doing this for two years now and it really works. The trick is to make the time and stick to it. Oh, and you have to commit to eating healthy. It's hard.

Writing. Has to be a priority to keep me sane. I'm trying a daily word-counter for the next few months.

Reading. It's easy to think of it as a guilty pleasure, but it's important for writing, and just important overall. Again, to keep me sane.

Trying new stuff. I think I'll try ice skating and writing sci fi, to start. After that, who knows?

Happy 2007,
Abby