Anatomy of an Internet Flame War

Or, Why I Quit Reading Message Boards

POSTER 1: I make a comment, slightly interesting but not particularly original, that is entirely based on opinion, does not have a right or wrong answer, and contains the word "race" or "gay" or "virginity" or something equally ill-advised.

POSTER 2: I completely overreact with a personal attack!

POSTER 3: 2, you are an idiot. Anyone can see that 1 is right.

POSTER 2: I have a right to my personal opinion!

POSTER 4: I have an opinion that is different from 1 and 2's but is equally narrow-minded.

POSTER 5: I am insecure, so I have to jump in and lecture everyone with a set of facts in order to feel superior.

POSTER 2: I completely overreact! Now I call on incongruous logic in an attempt to prove my point.

POSTER 1. I point out that everyone misunderstood my original post, then I poke holes in 2's argument with an example that makes no sense.

POSTER 3. I agree with 1 again, though now I claim that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and "the world would be so dull if we all agreed" or something similar.

POSTER 6: I make a halfway logical point that everyone ignores.

POSTER 7: I have a stupid question?

POSTER 2: I am still overreacting, so I write an incredibly long, impassioned post that everyone skims.

POSTER 8: I am the only one who actually read 2's post, and I pick on a marginal point and blow it out of proportion.

POSTER 2: I have nothing to do with my time, so I start arguing with 8.

[2 and 8 go off on a back-and-forth tangent that no one reads]

ADMIN: Please quit it, guys.

POSTER 9: This flame war is shameful. It's all 1's fault, too!

POSTER 1: I am offended. I think it's 2's fault!

POSTER 2: [taking a break from arguing with 8] I declare in a huff that I will never come back here again. [Goes back to arguing with 8]

POSTER 10: I rehash some of the old opinions here, and tell a story from my life that is supposed to prove my opinion is right.

POSTER 11: I tell a story from my own life that disproves 10's story.

POSTER 12: Has anyone read the latest Dara Joy book? [is quickly hustled away by ADMIN]

[more posts that no one reads]
[more posts that no one reads]

[next thread begins]