Vices

Look, I'm pretty smart. I do well at my job and I read books and I finished a novel with another one in the works. I can do Soduku puzzles, I can name Roman emperors, I taught myself html. Yep, intelligent.

I have one vice, though. I love Glamour magazine.




I've read it for years. Oh, I've tried every excuse in the book: "It's relaxing", "I just like to turn off my brain every once in a while", "I get ideas from it", "it's interesting to observe consumer media aimed at women" (okay, I didn't try that one very long), and the final, spineless "the pictures are nice." Finally I decided "Screw it. I read it because I like it, and I don't know why."

It's silly. You are constantly bombarded with pictures of emaciated models, and told "How To Love Your Body!" They match a picture of a $900 dress with "High Fashion - On A Budget!" They tell you to wear "the new preppy" one month, "sailor chic" (complete with blue-and-white horizontal stripes!) the next, followed by "cowboy cool" and nine other inane ideas to make up the rest of the year. The dating advice is improbable, male columnist "Jake" is patently unreal, they're constantly selling you stuff right in their article copy, and they feature swooning interviews with Jessica Simpson.

But, I dunno. They do tell you how to wear the right bathing suit, what lipstick you need based on your skin colour, and that you should never wear mom-jeans. They tell you how to blow-dry your hair to make it look like Jennifer Garner's and how not to get streaks in your fake tan. They have advice on what birth control to use and whether or not to wear black nail polish. (Only if you're Keira Knightley, is the answer.)

It's sort of like a big sister, only a big sister who is a bit whacked and tries to make you wear "sailor chic" when she wouldn't be caught dead in it herself. A big sister who patiently answers your menstrual questions, then tells you you're too fat and that you should wax your armpits, and don't bug her anymore 'cos she's going out and if you tell Mom you're dead.

I'm a sucker for it. It's fun to read. I buy it every month, but I will not get a subscription.

Nope. I'm too smart for that.