Kill Me, Please

A lot of times, romance readers on message boards show their militant sides. They get so sick of being treated like stupid children because of what they read, and every once in a while it all comes out in a big spate of bile after some poor reader posts the helpless question: "What do I say to someone who insults what I'm reading?"

There are always a lot of angry suggestions. And it's tempting to say, "Jeez, what is everyone so worked up about?"

Then you read this:

I have a soft spot for readers of romances. I once worked at my local library and found the women quite jolly, in a yearning kind of way.

And this:

M&B has got rid of the orangey covers and introduced sex. Its sister imprint, Silhouette, goes even further, with racy tales of drug dealers, kidnappings and undercover missions in Iraq. Readers still buy them by the dozen, as I discovered when I went on a tour with the poet Malika Booker.

Malika is alternating Margaret Atwood with M&B romances. When she finishes a romance, she passes it on to her friends. I told her about Rochdale market and she grew quite excited. In a yearning kind of way.

What year is this guy in? "introduced sex?" Silhouette is racy? Undercover missions in Iraq? Romance readers are jolly? There's just too much here and OH MY GOD WILL THIS PERSON PLEASE STOP WRITING COLUMNS BECAUSE HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE IS SAYING AND HE IS WRITING OUT OF HIS ASS.

That poor poet, stuck on a tour with this pipe-stinking, clueless idiot. She probably never heard the end of it. I wonder if he left out the part where she took her M&B romances and SHOVED THEM DOWN HIS THROAT TO MAKE HIM SHUT THE HELL UP.

Ah, that's an image that makes me feel better.

Don't fuck with romance readers, people. We're not as jolly as you might think.

Abby